the dreaded RL post

[nilchance]

The bad: I had a scare in May when a neck MRI caught a cyst in my throat, above the thyroid. Asshole Doctor said I should get an ultrasound, and if it was bigger than 1 cm that they'd biopsy-- cancer was mentioned as a possibility, but "don't worry about it." I worried about it. The ultrasound showed that it was 2 cm wide, 1 cm deep and 1 cm long, and so it was in the biopsy range, but the cyst was in the thyroid duct instead of on the thyroid itself. The ultrasound tech was going to leave without telling me anything, by the way. I had to stop her in the door and ask how big the cyst was, unless I wanted to wait until the following WEEK to hear about the condition of my own body. She told me breezily that the cyst was "only a centimeter", and don't worry about it, you're fine. I didn't learn where it was until T used her mad medical skills to get a copy of the report before the doc called.

So now my thyroid bloodwork came back normal and my cyst is in my throat. The new location means that I get to see an ENT next week to discuss what to do. Most times, thyroglossal cyst means fine needle aspiration, biopsy and maybe surgery to prevent recurring infections and to head off any (very unlikely, I'm assured, but my lizard brain is still shit-scared) development of carcinoma. Oh, and the neurologist is tossing around the idea that I might have lupus. Just in case I needed moar drama.

I hate diagnosis Jeopardy. I hate waiting for appointments with different specialists. I hate getting new doctors and not knowing whether they'll listen or if they'll blow it off. I hate the feeling that between doctors and techs and nurses, I'm the last on the need-to-know list about what's going on.

I've also been whale-shit-on-the-bottom-of-the-ocean depressed recently. Which means I've not been writing a lot. Sorry.

The good stuff is very good. I've been married to T for 8 years as of 6/21; we're thinking about going to get hitched in NY. I bought a lovely new computer that has plenty of hard-drive space. I have a job I enjoy, with people I adore and the possibility of lateral movement. I have health insurance again. My cats are adorable. I'm writing again. I received a book in the mail that's been really, really good so far (thanks, realpestilence!) and I'm abusing my library card to read Pratchett and Bujold. I'm going to the movies and brunch tomorrow with good friends. I'm grateful for all of these wonderful things.

Comments

[whiteted.livejournal.com]

I hope you're ok x

[allthelivesofme.livejournal.com]

Oh man. :-( How are you supposed to 'not worry about it' when the word cancer is mentioned?? *hugs*

[mistress-tien.livejournal.com]

(((((hugs)))))

I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel the same way about most medicine. It's your life, but to them it's just part of their job.

Hang on to the good stuff! Remind yourself of the precious things in your life and try to relax.

May all your news be good.

[ymmy12.livejournal.com]

send good thoughts your way

[jdsgirlbev.livejournal.com]

Doctors....*sigh* the whole medical establishment they need kicks in the buttsies, they do my precious!

Yes. Well. I hope you're feeling better soon, physically and emotionally.

[hederahelix.livejournal.com]

I cannot speak for all fans, but you never, ever, ever have to apologize to me for not writing. I enjoy your writing; stories from you appearing on my friendslist are wonderful gifts from the universe, but it's you and T whom I care about.

I'm sorry you've been going through medical drama of all kinds. Some of it can't be helped, but I'm doubly sorry that the medical personnel you ran into made it worse. I'm glad T was able to help negotiate that system.

And also, I'm still vaguely cranky about many aspects of the whole NY marriage thing, but I have to say that thinking about folks like you and T being able to get some legal recognition for what's clearly already a real world fact (and should be recognized) reminds me why sometimes I need to be less cranky and impatient and frustrated with the politicians who are supposed to be on my side.

{{{hugs}}}

PS--You did see these photos of Scott Caan at the last day of shooting for (http://www.onlocationvacations.com/2011/06/29/exclusive-set-photos-from-the-last-day-of-entourage-filming-in-l-a/) Entourage, right? Because I think his dog is in a few of 'em, and the last time one of you talked about writing, you mentioned werewolves, and somehow the photo of him on his bike reminded me of what he'd look like in a Ragnarok universe.

Just thought that might be a wee tiny bit more happy place inducing stuff in your life. :-)

[rocketchick99.livejournal.com]

I can sympathize with the doctor/nurse/tech hate - it seems like they think that you aren't intelligent enough to have a discussion about your own body. Personally, that attitude makes me want to kick them very hard in very delicate areas, which would only serve to reinforce their opinion!

Anyway, sending *good thoughts* your way.

[embroiderama]

*hugs* That's a lot of crap to be dealing with at one time, I'm sorry. I hope it turns out to be something they can easily resolve. :|

[katzb101.livejournal.com]

*hugs and good thoughts*

Please let us know how things are going.

And absolutely not apologies for not writing, you are a lot more important.

Enjoy your good stuff.

*hugs*

[fufaraw]

::Wraps you up in a soft throw and makes you tea. Unless it's hot where you are, in which case it's iced tea and I'll fan you. For a while. Till I get tired, then I'll draft somebody else to do it::

All good thoughts.

[justsonya.livejournal.com]

I love you sweetie. If you need to unload, I'm always happy to be there for either of you. *kiss*

[jane-eyre.livejournal.com]

I hate when people in the medical field do that. They give you just enough information to scare the crap out of you and then want to take their good time about giving you the answers you need.

I'm glad some things are going well for you though. *hugs*

[idiot4dean.livejournal.com]

I had a throglossal cyst about 30 years ago. I'm glad my dr recognised it straight-away. He brought in another dr to show her but she would have diagnosed it wrong. In those days it was proper surgery but I haven't had a problem since and no-one mentioned cancer at that time.

Hope my experience will help you not worry so much. I believe everything will work out fine for you too.

Take care.

[nightwalker.livejournal.com]

I hope everything works out all right. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

And a belated Happy Anniversary to you both!

[earthkat.livejournal.com]

*hugs and love*
Pratchett goooooooooooood.