FIC: Shadow

[nilchance]

Title: Shadow
Author: nilchance
Rating: All ages
Fandom: SPN/Dark Angel crossover
A/N: Mostly a brain-spill. Alec, Sam and Dean. Alec isn't the only one who watches.

ETA: crap. No, I am NOT the author previously known as poisontaster. Also, I fail.



Alec isn't Dean.

Dean's mirrored face was the first, bone-deep reaction that kept Sam from pulling the trigger on Alec. He let Dean and Bobby think it was the human flare of Alec's pupils instead of a shifter's silver, the mystery of why this stranger with Dean's face was dropped on their lap, but it was mostly a gut feeling. Alec was, is, blood. And that mattered more than who Alec was, other than family.

It's different now.

Alec is lean where Dean is hard stripped muscle. He has rounder cheeks, stubborn teenager softness that Sam remembers of Dean just before he left for Stanford. The barcode on his nape was the most obvious change, the visible shadow of Alec's old life. That story changes every time Alec tells it: thief, cage-fighter, messenger boy, all of it a patchwork of exaggeration and outright lie. He's not as pale as Dean (yet), has fewer impressive scars. Alec's scars are subtler, insidious, a repeated pattern of scalpel and syringe. Sam doesn't know where they came from, can't recount each stitch he or Dad made. Alec dealt with his old scars on his own, and he's not telling their history. Sam doesn't know why, with all those boarding school pretensions, Alec's first instinct is to fight for his life.

Alec doesn't sleep. At least, Sam hasn't seen it. They work out a rotation, two in a bed and one alone, because Dean doesn't want to start with separate rooms. Alec doesn't like it, people in his space all the time, but he swallows it like he expects nothing else. He's lousy to share a bed with, cold feet and sharp elbows that somehow manage to hit Sam even while Alec clings to the other side like a virgin. Usually Alec's elsewhere when Sam wakes up, either out on a run or sitting on the floor by the muted TV seat, watching what he's supposed to be like.

Alec watches everything. Alec molds himself, rebuilds himself every day in a thousand small ways to fit what people expect. Makes it hard to see him, to hear anything beyond the white noise of Alec's chatter, but Alec isn't the only one who pays attention. Dean's working on him by degrees, prodding Alec into behaving like a real live boy, feeding him and training him. Dean shows Alec things like the proper exorcism ritual for a lesser Babylonian succubus, and why Wendy's fries taste better dipped in the Frosty. Alec's quick as hell, with a scary intelligence that he sometimes forgets to hide behind dumbass comments. Sam teaches him, too: knifework, research, how to slip hot sauce into Dean's coffee. Slowly, surely, Alec is turning into one of them. The sun paints freckles on his cheeks. He wears flannel under duress. The first time Alec fights like he's expecting them to cover his back, Sam has to chew the inside of his cheek to keep from telling Alec 'thank you'.

Could be because Alec is smaller, younger, an echo of Dean in easier years. Could be it's what Alec isn't saying about the years before they found him, the way Alec looks at their dad with his shoulders tucked in to block a punch. Whatever the reason, when they end up sharing a bed, Sam thinks about folding Alec up in his arms, the sharp scent of Alec's stolen high-end shampoo mingling with their gun oil.

And because Alec isn't Dean, Sam thinks maybe Alec would let himself be held.

Comments

[jdsgirlbev.livejournal.com]

OMG! Wendy's fries dipped in the Frosty! You too!?? My roomie does that, and I thought she HAD to be the only one on the PLANET!!!

Sorry I have no STORY feedback, never watched Dark Angel. That's the one Jensen was in, yes?

[nilchance.livejournal.com]

OMG yes, fries + Frosty = perfection.

Yes indeed. Jensen played Alec, actually. ;)

[lomer.livejournal.com]

Oh my god you wrote DA/SPN crossover fic... my world is now officially a better place. That was EXACTLY what I needed after last night's episode! I absolutely adore your Sam-voice, and the way he see's Alec. I find if facinating (but honest) that Alec hides everything about Manticore and is content to let his brothers think he's lying about his safer past. And the description of Alec's reaction to John, just makes me want to hug him! I want Sam to hug him too. This was really wonderful. Thank you SO very much for writing this. I have such a weakness for DA/SPN crossovers, and reading this was like snuggling under a warm wonderful blanket.

[ysbail.livejournal.com]

My love of DA has been rekindled lately - thank you for this.

[ladykatiewench.livejournal.com]

LOVE IT!! That last line is perfect.

And OF COURSE Dean would dip his fries in his frosty! Because the boy has good taste like that!

[http://users.livejournal.com/taltos_/]

and why Wendy's fries taste better dipped in the Frosty

Best line EVER. It's seriously the ONLY way to eat Wendy's fries. :D Nummy treats.

Poor Sam, he wants a woobie.

Fantastic.

[sin-of-pride.livejournal.com]

I officially love you for this. Also, that author mix-up made me grin for a while. I love how you describe Alec through Sam's eyes, like he's a younger, less-hardened version of Dean that Sam wants to protect. I like how Alec is blending in by degrees but is still so obviously different, still has to work for it. His reaction to John made me want to cuddle him just like Sam wants to ♥ Lovely.

[rivers-bend.livejournal.com]

I was SO mystified when what I thought must be a rec came to your journal and not PTs and then was the fic you described. but now I see that it was just one of those ooops moments.

I so love the idea of Alec with the boys. And of Sam sharing a bed with him and finding a little brother in a way that's totally complicated and delicious.

[littlepunkryo.livejournal.com]

I loved this. I love the picture of Alec adjusting the boys, it just works. Awesome.

[topaz119.livejournal.com]

I like this, and I like how Sam is seeing Alec as less lethal and/or broken than Dean, which....maybe? I totally wouldn't say no to more. =)

[eloise-bright.livejournal.com]

Could be it's what Alec isn't saying about the years before they found him, the way Alec looks at their dad with his shoulders tucked in to block a punch.

I've probably said this before, but lines like this are why I love you. I'm on a DA Season 2 rewatch kick, and this is fueling my addiction.

[frightened.livejournal.com]

Just started watching Dark Angel on the Sci-Fi Channel... this is awesome. Just, wow.

[1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com]

I adore the style and the angst. I love the Sam, and the Alec, and the Dean, and always the Daddy W. Gotta get some DA to watch soon. Since I've never seen it, I can't tell how much of this Alec is like his character in the series, but I do love the characterization here.

[kimannebb.livejournal.com]

why Wendy's fries taste better dipped in the Frosty

Duuude, this is great, 'cause they are better. *g*

And because Alec isn't Dean, Sam thinks maybe Alec would let himself be held.

This says so much. Sam wants to help Alec to be there for him, like the way he wasn't for Dean. To give Alec comfort, the way Dean won't take it. And I know Sam feels for Alec himself, but I think Alec is a replacement for Dean in the ways that Dean won't accept from Sam.

I love this little fic. Love it. :)

[qwertypoiuq.livejournal.com]

Uh, there's gonna be MORE of this, right? Good GOD.

[scatteredgray.livejournal.com]

Yay. SPN/DA is my new love, especially Alec faking being a real boy. Aw. The poor dude.

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

I really liked this especially the idea that Alec is consciously creating himself from the world around him so that he can fit better with Sam and Dean. Loved the bit about how Alec finally fights as though he isn't fighting alone.

[twasadark.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow! That last line is a killer. Great job, sweetie!

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

Dude, broke me.
♥ ♥ ♥

[lienne.livejournal.com]

Hi! Recced by newredshoes.

You win at everything.

Although I admit I probably wouldn't have left feedback if it weren't for the Frosty thing. >.> So much word on that. And everyone I know looks at me like I'm crazy for it!

[newredshoes]

Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I loved this, and you've been recced!

[malamysza.livejournal.com]

OMG, that was beautiful! I love seeing Alec a part of the Winchester family, learning from his older brothers (important stuff, like slipping hot sauce into Dean's coffee ;)). It wrenches a heart to get reminded how damaged this kid is, with those scares from the scalpel, too often in the stance like he's expecting to be hit, not able to escape his past entirely. But now he is not alone any more, he's got a family ready to protect him, people who care about him and for whom he is a brother, not a killing machine or a lab rat or a good little soldier, useful as long as he follows orders.
Thank for making my evening today :)

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

I was pleased to discover this crossover--what a good premise, and so far I've been digging every part. I want to know more about this universe. (BTW, this post isn't tagged "dark angel" like the other parts--was that intention?)