FIC: Angels Losing Sleep
Apr. 29th, 2008 11:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nilchanceTitle: Angels Losing Sleep
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nilchance
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Hookerverse.
Fire stung out at him from the dark, a bright line along his chest. He flinched, tried to get away, but there were hands on him. Hands resting on his head, slipping in the sweat, and he smelled sweet incense.
Rough lips touched his own, the scrape and scour of a beard. Someone breathed into his mouth, smoke and whispers. It hurt his lungs, it hurt...
****
The darkness was a weight on Jensen's chest, a soft suffocation. It hummed, shifted, breathed around him, muffling everything to comfortable silence.
Jensen tried to open his eyes, but they felt sticky and slow. Through them, he saw the gentle flicker of fire. Its heat stroked over him, rocked him in its arms. He could just sleep again. No reason to move.
Voices. He heard Jeff, and it tugged him out of his drowse. There was something important he had to remember, but it kept slipping through his fingers when he tried to focus. The weight on his chest seemed to deepen. Blindly, he reached out to push it off. His hand felt wrong, his fingers wrapped together. His fingertips smoothed over a thick, furry thing draped over his body.
He should've been alarmed, but feeling anything but sweet warmth was an effort. He pried open his eyes, blinking into the firelight that cast waves across the ceiling. Then he looked down at himself.
There was a dog on his chest, dark fur curling around his taped fingers. Its ears were soft, it turned out; Jensen didn't remember starting to stroke them. The dog tilted its sleek head at Jensen, eyes soulful, then put its paw on his wrist and began to thoroughly clean Jensen's fingertips.
Jensen shook his head to clear it. The dog kept staring, ears twitching. When Jensen tried to push up onto his elbows, the dog leaned on him.
There was an important reason to get out of bed, digging into the edges of his memory like an itch he couldn't reach. If he looked it at too long, it would swallow him. Fear waited there, the stink of blood and metal, and it would catch him if he stayed.
Jensen pushed the dog's side. Since his body felt like rubber, he wasn't surprised that the dog didn't move, but it was still annoying. "I can't," he said. Which hurt like his throat was full of fiberglass insulation. "Up."
The dog whuffed, the warning noise before a full out bark.
Claustrophobia dug into Jensen's skin. He was too hot, suddenly, too closed in. He pushed at the dog again, harder, and strained against its weight.
The dog rolled off. Jensen sat up and wavered in place, shuddering like a struck tuning fork. Turning so his feet touched the floor didn't help; the shivering crawled into his head. He could drop back into bed. It'd be so much easier...
The dog's furry, solid weight leaned against his legs. Jensen rested his trembling hand against the dog's back, steadying himself on the rhythmic rise-fall of its breath. Standing took so much, too much, but he made it to his feet. A draft stroked over his skin, told him he was naked. He looked down at himself and saw white bandages on his chest, on his arm.
He couldn't go on the street like this. He needed to find his clothes, his shoes. The weight of all the things he had to do made his head heavy; his eyes stung, stupid tears that didn't change anything, God, he wasn't that fucking useless that he was going to cry about it. He had to move, he couldn't stay, he wanted to go home and he didn't know where that was and--
"Jen?"
Jensen flinched, his hands coming up to block his face. His breath hitched loud, like sobbing, even when he figured out that it was Jeff's voice behind him. He was startled, that was all. Tired. He just needed to go.
"Hey," Jeff said, dragging the word out. He touched Jensen's arms, coaxed them down until Jensen could see Jeff's face. The awful kindness there twisted up Jensen's stomach. "Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. Shh."
Jensen knew he had to shove Jeff off. He knew that. But he was blinking and his face was wet and he couldn't find his shoes. He just wanted somebody to give a fuck for one minute even if it was a con.
Jeff touched him, hands warm on his face, and brought their faces close. Jensen felt Jeff's breath on his mouth, tensed, but Jeff kissed his chin and murmured, "C'mon, sit down, okay? Let's get you back in bed."
Apparently his answer didn't matter much, because Jeff was guiding him backwards onto the bed. Jensen didn't dig his heels in, drifting along behind. He smelled the ghost of smoke on Jeff's clothes, itching at his mind.
"This is my girl, Bisou. Guess you've never met her." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jeff coaxed Jensen onto his lap. Jensen went mostly so he didn't tumble to the floor. His bones felt light, like he might break apart. Jeff smiled and settled him in place, Jeff's hands bracing his back. "She likes you. I wish I'd brought you home before."
Before what?
Memory sank teeth in the foreground of Jensen's thoughts: the needle, the blade. Jensen stiffened, and pain tugged at him. Not from the bend of his elbow, but from his chest, the stinging dull pain of a sunburn. Jeff stroked his back, sad-eyed, expectant.
"Where?" Jensen asked. His voice rasped through the dry leather of his throat.
"My home. It's safe." With the back of his hand, Jeff touched Jensen's cheek. Gentle. Jensen hated the way his eyes burned. "They can't find you here."
They. Yuri. Jesus, Yuri, the blood... Jensen reflexively looked at his hands, and found them clean. Not even a fleck of red under his nails. He was more scrubbed and primped than he'd been in years. Someone had touched him while he was sleeping, manipulated him like a ragdoll. That should've bothered him more.
"Happened?" Jensen asked.
Jeff's eyes shuttered, and he glanced down. "You should sleep, Jen. You need to heal."
"What happened?" Jensen repeated, louder, even though each word felt like coughing blood.
Jeff sighed. With gentle, steady hands, he reached for the bandage on Jensen's chest. Jensen tensed, but Jeff only peeled the tape back. There was ink beneath, a tattoo burned into Jensen's skin, prickling uneasy in shapes Jensen didn't recognize.
"Yuri can't have you. Do you understand?" Reaching for the collar of his own shirt, Jeff pulled it aside. There was a tattoo beneath, curling in lush black lines, red on the edges. Fresh. The curves and loops of it matched Jensen's own. It was dizzying to look at. Jeff said, "I won't let him have you."
Jensen stared at the ink. Colors crowded in on the edge of his vision, swamping his sight. He wanted to look away. He wanted to run. He only looked at the tattoo, drank it in, and it swallowed him too.
"What did you do?" Jensen asked.
Jeff pulled the shirt over the tattoo again. Jensen blinked, feeling like he'd been staring into the sun. He was tired, suddenly. When Jeff laid back on the bed, taking Jensen with him, Jensen let himself be pulled and surrounded. Jeff held him, rocked him like a sick child.
"Jeff?" Jensen murmured. It slurred off his tongue, slow as honey.
"Sleep," Jeff said. Kissed his forehead, his eyes, his freckles. "Sleep, baby. It's done now."
It was a nice dream.
Jensen slept.
Author:
nilchanceRating: PG-13
A/N: Hookerverse.
Fire stung out at him from the dark, a bright line along his chest. He flinched, tried to get away, but there were hands on him. Hands resting on his head, slipping in the sweat, and he smelled sweet incense.
Rough lips touched his own, the scrape and scour of a beard. Someone breathed into his mouth, smoke and whispers. It hurt his lungs, it hurt...
****
The darkness was a weight on Jensen's chest, a soft suffocation. It hummed, shifted, breathed around him, muffling everything to comfortable silence.
Jensen tried to open his eyes, but they felt sticky and slow. Through them, he saw the gentle flicker of fire. Its heat stroked over him, rocked him in its arms. He could just sleep again. No reason to move.
Voices. He heard Jeff, and it tugged him out of his drowse. There was something important he had to remember, but it kept slipping through his fingers when he tried to focus. The weight on his chest seemed to deepen. Blindly, he reached out to push it off. His hand felt wrong, his fingers wrapped together. His fingertips smoothed over a thick, furry thing draped over his body.
He should've been alarmed, but feeling anything but sweet warmth was an effort. He pried open his eyes, blinking into the firelight that cast waves across the ceiling. Then he looked down at himself.
There was a dog on his chest, dark fur curling around his taped fingers. Its ears were soft, it turned out; Jensen didn't remember starting to stroke them. The dog tilted its sleek head at Jensen, eyes soulful, then put its paw on his wrist and began to thoroughly clean Jensen's fingertips.
Jensen shook his head to clear it. The dog kept staring, ears twitching. When Jensen tried to push up onto his elbows, the dog leaned on him.
There was an important reason to get out of bed, digging into the edges of his memory like an itch he couldn't reach. If he looked it at too long, it would swallow him. Fear waited there, the stink of blood and metal, and it would catch him if he stayed.
Jensen pushed the dog's side. Since his body felt like rubber, he wasn't surprised that the dog didn't move, but it was still annoying. "I can't," he said. Which hurt like his throat was full of fiberglass insulation. "Up."
The dog whuffed, the warning noise before a full out bark.
Claustrophobia dug into Jensen's skin. He was too hot, suddenly, too closed in. He pushed at the dog again, harder, and strained against its weight.
The dog rolled off. Jensen sat up and wavered in place, shuddering like a struck tuning fork. Turning so his feet touched the floor didn't help; the shivering crawled into his head. He could drop back into bed. It'd be so much easier...
The dog's furry, solid weight leaned against his legs. Jensen rested his trembling hand against the dog's back, steadying himself on the rhythmic rise-fall of its breath. Standing took so much, too much, but he made it to his feet. A draft stroked over his skin, told him he was naked. He looked down at himself and saw white bandages on his chest, on his arm.
He couldn't go on the street like this. He needed to find his clothes, his shoes. The weight of all the things he had to do made his head heavy; his eyes stung, stupid tears that didn't change anything, God, he wasn't that fucking useless that he was going to cry about it. He had to move, he couldn't stay, he wanted to go home and he didn't know where that was and--
"Jen?"
Jensen flinched, his hands coming up to block his face. His breath hitched loud, like sobbing, even when he figured out that it was Jeff's voice behind him. He was startled, that was all. Tired. He just needed to go.
"Hey," Jeff said, dragging the word out. He touched Jensen's arms, coaxed them down until Jensen could see Jeff's face. The awful kindness there twisted up Jensen's stomach. "Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. Shh."
Jensen knew he had to shove Jeff off. He knew that. But he was blinking and his face was wet and he couldn't find his shoes. He just wanted somebody to give a fuck for one minute even if it was a con.
Jeff touched him, hands warm on his face, and brought their faces close. Jensen felt Jeff's breath on his mouth, tensed, but Jeff kissed his chin and murmured, "C'mon, sit down, okay? Let's get you back in bed."
Apparently his answer didn't matter much, because Jeff was guiding him backwards onto the bed. Jensen didn't dig his heels in, drifting along behind. He smelled the ghost of smoke on Jeff's clothes, itching at his mind.
"This is my girl, Bisou. Guess you've never met her." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jeff coaxed Jensen onto his lap. Jensen went mostly so he didn't tumble to the floor. His bones felt light, like he might break apart. Jeff smiled and settled him in place, Jeff's hands bracing his back. "She likes you. I wish I'd brought you home before."
Before what?
Memory sank teeth in the foreground of Jensen's thoughts: the needle, the blade. Jensen stiffened, and pain tugged at him. Not from the bend of his elbow, but from his chest, the stinging dull pain of a sunburn. Jeff stroked his back, sad-eyed, expectant.
"Where?" Jensen asked. His voice rasped through the dry leather of his throat.
"My home. It's safe." With the back of his hand, Jeff touched Jensen's cheek. Gentle. Jensen hated the way his eyes burned. "They can't find you here."
They. Yuri. Jesus, Yuri, the blood... Jensen reflexively looked at his hands, and found them clean. Not even a fleck of red under his nails. He was more scrubbed and primped than he'd been in years. Someone had touched him while he was sleeping, manipulated him like a ragdoll. That should've bothered him more.
"Happened?" Jensen asked.
Jeff's eyes shuttered, and he glanced down. "You should sleep, Jen. You need to heal."
"What happened?" Jensen repeated, louder, even though each word felt like coughing blood.
Jeff sighed. With gentle, steady hands, he reached for the bandage on Jensen's chest. Jensen tensed, but Jeff only peeled the tape back. There was ink beneath, a tattoo burned into Jensen's skin, prickling uneasy in shapes Jensen didn't recognize.
"Yuri can't have you. Do you understand?" Reaching for the collar of his own shirt, Jeff pulled it aside. There was a tattoo beneath, curling in lush black lines, red on the edges. Fresh. The curves and loops of it matched Jensen's own. It was dizzying to look at. Jeff said, "I won't let him have you."
Jensen stared at the ink. Colors crowded in on the edge of his vision, swamping his sight. He wanted to look away. He wanted to run. He only looked at the tattoo, drank it in, and it swallowed him too.
"What did you do?" Jensen asked.
Jeff pulled the shirt over the tattoo again. Jensen blinked, feeling like he'd been staring into the sun. He was tired, suddenly. When Jeff laid back on the bed, taking Jensen with him, Jensen let himself be pulled and surrounded. Jeff held him, rocked him like a sick child.
"Jeff?" Jensen murmured. It slurred off his tongue, slow as honey.
"Sleep," Jeff said. Kissed his forehead, his eyes, his freckles. "Sleep, baby. It's done now."
It was a nice dream.
Jensen slept.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 03:25 pm (UTC)He had to move, he couldn't stay, he wanted to go home and he didn't know where that *was* and-- Gorgeous phrasing here
And the frustration of not being able to think clearly, even about the 'little' things: But he was blinking and his face was wet and he couldn't find his shoes.
Oh, Jensen. Just let Jeff take care of you for a while (and let Jeff explain stuff, right? *eyes you*)
(Also, win for the tattoos!)
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 03:38 pm (UTC)Poor Jensen. I loved the dog on his chest :) Licking his fingers.. :P
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 03:45 pm (UTC)AArrggg!! Post more soon, like now...LOL!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:21 pm (UTC)I have no idea where you're taking this as much as I'm trying to guess and I love that. Each part really draws me in and thats down to your skill of writing too, it's not difficult to feel like you're in there with them watching as it happens cause the words just flow so smoothly into a visual image - at least in my mind.
I dunno if I like this Jeff - I mean I do like him, he's such a difficult character in the fandom that I find I dislike him more than like him but I like all your versions/representations of him.. it's just in this one he seems like he could be a dangerous guy but for now he's looking out for Jensen. The tattoo intrigues me!
So yeah I'm gonna stop kissin ass now and look forward to more of whatever comes!
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 04:34 pm (UTC)::no vowel sounds::
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:21 pm (UTC)I wish you would update more often but I guess I should be just happy that you are updating...so thank you...
Please post more soon? :)
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:34 pm (UTC)*sits and waits for more*
no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 06:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 08:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-29 10:25 pm (UTC)*hugs*
~C~
no subject
Date: 2008-04-30 12:06 am (UTC)Though the theme is dark, Jeff is more caring and sweet than others verses I read:)
I love this new chap:)
*g*
no subject
Date: 2008-04-30 01:14 am (UTC)This verse definitely leaves more questions than answers, but they're good questions, intriguing questions.
no subject
Date: 2008-04-30 03:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-04-30 03:32 am (UTC)LMFAO
no subject
Date: 2008-04-30 03:54 am (UTC)Awwww, yeah, that's gold. What a killer image that is.
Also HOOKERVERSE OMG. *clutches at it* You know how I feel about this scenario.
For a second there, I thought you were going to the "turn 'em into animals yay!" place (which would've been awesome too, natch) but then you didn't. And so you're still killing me and I'm a big whore for the pain. *flops at feet* In fact, every time you don't tell me something, you make me think I was asking the wrong question.