Still life with cats

This is how this morning went:

Cat: *makes gaggy hairball noises*

Me: *gets butter*

Cat: *looks happy to see me*

Me: *offers butter*

Cat: *snuffles butter in hopeful manner*

Me: *tries to give butter*

Cat: *is OMG suddenly mortally offended by the butter*

Me: *tries to smudge butter on nose as directed by MIL*

Cat: *tries to flee scene*

Me: *scruffs cat and puts butter on nose*

Cat: *wanders around for next twenty minutes wearing butter, giving me the stink eye, until other cat helpfully licks butter off for her*

Me: *gets butter again, scruffs cat, puts butter on paw*

Cat: *flicks butter deliberately onto my cleavage*

Me: ARGH. *deposits butter on other paw*

Cat: *hides under couch with other cat, licks paw, then cleans self and ingests more hair for more hairballs*

Sigh.