nilchance | Reading

Go to bed, Umberto Eco!

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javert posting in

smallbatchicons

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ysobel posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Eric: My sister-in-law made quilts for two of her nieces. They unwrapped them to oohs, aahs and applause on Christmas Eve at my house. My daughter did not receive a gift. I sent a polite email to sister-in-law explaining that my daughter was disappointed. I received a snail mail reply that included a gift certificate and a note. Sister-in-law wrote that I was a bully and stated that she would never set foot in my house again. She hasn’t for several years. What should I do?

— Stitchy Situation

Situation: Your sister-in-law’s reaction was a bit extreme, all things considered (or at least all things detailed in your letter). This suggests to me that maybe there’s something else under it for her, whether it’s other issues she has with your relationship or a sensitivity around the particular gift. Or maybe her feelings were hurt by your email, even though it was polite.

The best way to sort it all out is by asking. It’s been years and she hasn’t come back, so I’m curious what your relationship is like outside of visits. Has this escalated to grudge territory? Does she speak to you at all? If she doesn’t, you may have to make a bigger gesture in order to reset things. Telling her, “I don’t like what happened between us” and “I’m sorry for my part” could help lay a foundation for reconciliation.

Try, if you can, not to let the conversation get too caught up in what happened years ago, though. The gift card, the email, et cetera. All the details can become places where you both get stuck relitigating and rehashing. Instead, focus on the objective of the conversation — you want to re-establish contact. It will also help to have a concrete goal, as well as an emotional one. Perhaps something like extending an invitation for her to come for lunch.

If she’s not receptive to a phone call or face-to-face conversation, an email or letter will work, but a spoken conversation is vastly more effective.

sunnymodffa posting in

fail_fandomanon

I'm imagining my fave.

Buying six Nebuchadnezzars of cum lube.

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jayregee posting in

icons

I am getting rid of these icons. They need a good home. Want any of them? Some were made when I was just beginning to make icons so their appearance may not be up to code.

( More Icons of DIfferent Fandoms... )

Current Mood: creative

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of six and a grandma to four. We are a close family and enjoy each other's company. My mom is nearly 80. For reasons I could never understand, she didn't enjoy my children when they were growing up and didn't connect deeply with them. She once commented to me that she was bored with women her age because they were "obsessed" with their grandchildren and she wanted deeper conversations.

Mom moved away and would mostly visit just for holidays and birthdays. When the children tried to share things that were going on in their lives, she wasn't interested, and we eventually stopped inviting her to sports events and recitals because she seemed annoyed to be there.

Now that her grands have almost reached adulthood, my mother wants to connect with them. She texts them often and sometimes invites them to visit. They respond politely, and a couple have gone to visit her, but none seem interested in a deeper relationship. This bothers her, and she has been asking me to pressure them to visit her and include her in their lives more. But to them, she is a distant relative. They don't feel close to her.

What is my responsibility now? I wish they had a closer relationship with my mom, but I feel awkward telling busy young adults they must plan trips to visit someone who didn't try to establish relationships with them when they were young. Any advice? -- TORN DAUGHTER IN WASHINGTON

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: In the four years my husband and I have been married, his distaste for the LGBTQ community has grown into a passion. He calls it immoral and unnatural. I've never tried to change his opinion, but because I don't enthusiastically agree with him, he is convinced I'm going to hell. He uses nearly every conversation as an opportunity to share his feelings on this issue. Any response I volunteer goes unheard.

Shortly after our wedding, my father revealed he is gay. Thankfully, my husband can be kind to him while disapproving of his sexuality. I'm not sure Dad knows the extent of my husband's negative feelings. (They live in different states, so they rarely see each other.)

My problem is, my father recently became engaged to his partner, and I'm not sure how to tell my husband. I'm not asking him to agree with my dad's life, but I don't want him to steal my joy over this event or make me feel guilty for going to their wedding. I will certainly be going alone. Advice, Abby? -- ALLY IN MICHIGAN

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused as a child. Because of this, as an adult woman, I have issues around being touched. I have had therapy, and I am doing much better, but I'm still uncomfortable with physical contact. I simply request that people ask me before they touch me, and I usually agree.

The issue is my mother-in-law. She refuses to ask before touching me and often pulls me into unwanted hugs or comes up behind me. I have explained to her about my history, so she knows why I want her to ask me first, but she brushes it off and says she isn't going to hurt me. One time she said, "What? Do you think I'm going to attack you?" No, I don't think she is going to attack me. This issue is about me, not her, but she doesn't understand that.

My husband throws up his hands and refuses to get involved, as he hates being put in the middle. How can I make her understand that I need her to ask before putting her hands on me? -- PROTECTIVE IN ILLINOIS

( Read more... )

anais_pf posting in

thefridayfive

1. If you were a fruit, which would you be and why?

2. If you wake up and smell smoke, and you have to get everybody (pets included) out of the house safely, but you have time to grab one item, what would you grab?

3. If you were stuck on an island, who would be the one person you would want with you and why?

4. If you could change one thing about your physical appearance, what would it be?

5. If you could spend the day with one famous person, dead or alive, who would you choose?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

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conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Minerva,” and I have a 6-year-old son, “Blaine.”

When Blaine was just under 1, Minerva and I began to have issues getting along. I started an affair with “Wendy,” Minerva’s sister. Less than a year into the affair, Wendy ended up pregnant and had a son, “Cameron.” She told everyone she conceived through a sperm donor.

The affair lasted another two years, when we decided we both could not continue on with it.

The boys are close and love spending time together. The trouble is that as they have gotten older, they are resembling each other more and more—and they both look like me.

Luckily Blaine is blond like his mother, which makes it slightly less obvious, though not much. Lately Wendy and I have been taking steps to try and keep them apart, or at least have them see each other for playdates and outings without Minerva present.

However, we know we can’t keep this up. Wendy suggested that should could request a transfer to another state through work. We both agreed that would be the best thing, even if I don’t get to see my younger son grow up.

Would there ever be an appropriate time to confess the truth to my wife, or is this one of those things you take to your grave? Minerva and I have managed to repair our relationship in the last couple of years, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

—No Such Thing as the Best of Both Worlds

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Prudence,

I would never cut off my family, and I don’t think of them as “toxic” or any of those buzzwords, but we aren’t close. We talk on holidays and they attended my wedding celebration, but we don’t really know each other. My parents focused on my brother growing up, and I was just kind of also there. When I was 15, my brother had some more intense issues and my parents moved out of state to give him a fresh start. My best friend’s parents offered to take me in so I could finish high school in my hometown. It was the best thing anyone could have possibly done for me. They parented me in a way I’d never experienced and, although I was difficult, they were patient. I thrived with them. I went on to get an apprenticeship, build a small business, and marry a wonderful man. We co-own a duplex with my best friend and her spouse, and are close with his family and hers. We plan to raise kids together. I feel like my family is here, and complete. But then my beloved brother changed everything.

Completely unexpectedly to me, my brother sharply cut off our parents this winter. I have no idea why. They’re responding by pouring all that energy and money my way for the first time in my life. It’s very weird and uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to get them to stop. I’ve been dodging their calls and texts, but they’ve escalated to mailing gifts, and pushing for a visit. How do I politely shut them down and keep our normal level of contact?

—I Barely Know Them

( Read more... )

sunnymodffa posting in

fail_fandomanon

Trolls're so self-satisfied, we don't need you
We've got to filk free
Mods know, mods know we want to filk free. 🎶

All the fail_fandomanon Rules and Information (and Ban Requests): https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/1076.html. The short version: no embeds, don't out people's real names, don't be that much of an asshole, body fluids are off topic, Mods reserve the right to freeze, screen, and delete the fuck out of stuff. FFA discussion covers a wide variety of topics and has a very flexible view of 'fandom' that includes politics, current events, and cooking techniques. FFA is a Choose NOT to Warn experience. Meme away.

Other posts on meme:

Personal Issues, Off Topic Conversation, Religion, & Everything Else post (PP #31)
Fic and WIP Post
Book Clubs, Watchalongs, & Readalongs
Prompt & fill fests: for FFA Post #1000, FFA's 10th anniversary, FFA Post #1500, & FFA Post #2000

Search

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Discussion of UK politics related sexual abuse and rape culture should go into one properly labeled subthread.

Discussion of the COVID-19 pandemic in the UK needs to go to the thread about that country. If it's personal, it still belongs on the PP. Any attempt at wank will be frozen.

magid posting in

agonyaunt

Third question in this week’s NY Times’ Social Q’s, posted because I’m flabbergasted by the guests’ question.
( Read more... )

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

[having trouble with html today]
( Read more... )

splatstick posting in

icons

160 icons HERE @

sousaphone

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over Memorial Day weekend, I hosted a small get-together at my home with my extended family. My cousin brought her 1-year-old son, who's just starting to walk and explore the world around him. He's a sweet little boy and was especially fascinated by my dog. The problem is that my dog has never been great around small children. He's anxious by nature and tends to get overstimulated easily. I usually keep him away from kids for that reason, but in the chaos of the day, I let my guard down.

At one point, before anyone could intervene, the baby startled my dog, and my dog reacted by biting him. It wasn't just a nip, either. It was a hard bite, and it left a mark. Thankfully, the injury wasn't severe, but it was enough to cause a lot of distress, especially for my cousin and her husband. My cousin was understandably upset, and while she tried to be civil about it, I could tell she was angry and hurt.

I feel so much guilt about the bite, but I'm also worried about what this means for our relationship moving forward and for my dog. I don't know how to make things right. Should I have done more to prevent the situation? How do I approach my cousin now and express how sorry I am without making things worse? -- Dog Bite

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Link to Dear Annie

Dear Annie: My husband and I have two kids under 5, and we both work full-time. As you can imagine, our lives are pretty hectic. My mother-in-law lives about 30 minutes away and expects us to visit her almost every weekend. If we don't, she lays on the guilt pretty thick -- talking about how she "never sees the kids" or implying we don't value family.

The truth is, we're just exhausted. Weekends are the only time we get to catch up on rest, housework or just quality time together as a family without having to entertain. We've tried inviting her to our house instead, but she always declines and insists we come to her.

I know she means well, and we want her to have a relationship with the kids, but I'm starting to dread the constant pressure. How can we set firmer boundaries without starting a bigger family conflict? -- Tired But Trying

( Read more... )

****************

2. Dear Annie: Out of the blue, my daughter told me she bought a house in Connecticut and will be moving there from New Jersey. She insists the two-hour drive isn't far, but I feel hurt and blindsided that she didn't let me know about this until she'd already bought the house and was getting ready to sell her New Jersey home.

Her mother-in-law helped her financially with the move, which is great, but now she'll live just 30 minutes from her in-laws while I'm two hours away. I feel betrayed having been kept in the dark. I'm also 65, live on my own and have a very, very sick dog. I don't know how long the dog will live, but for now, traveling two hours one way just isn't an option.

I'm very hurt by what she did and I'm trying to get past it. She used to live just 30 minutes from me, and now she'll be just as close to her mother-in-law, who helped her buy the house. I've actually had to go on antidepressants because of this. Thankfully, my son and his fiancee live a mile away, so that's a blessing. But I feel like the mother-in-law pulled a fast one as she has her daughter, her daughter's family and now her son and his family so close to her.

Please give me some advice to help me get through this. -- Left Out in New Jersey

( Read more... )

minoanmiss posting in

agonyaunt

1. Someone stole my muffin from the office freezer

( Read more... )

Current Mood: amused

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

Dear Annie: I've been married to my husband, "David," for nine years. We have two kids, ages 7 and 4. Lately, I've been struggling with how much time he spends on his phone. Every night after dinner, instead of helping with bedtime or talking with me, David disappears into the garage or sits on the couch playing online poker. I've brought it up more than once, but he just says he needs to "unwind."

Last week, our daughter even said, "Daddy, get off your phone!" That broke my heart. I work full-time as a nurse and manage most of the household chores and parenting. I don't mind him relaxing, but I want him to be present for our family -- not just physically, but mentally, too.

How do I approach this without it turning into another argument? -- Feeling Like a Single Parent in Knoxville

( Read more... )

conuly posting in

agonyaunt

DEAR ABBY: I found out that, behind my back, my best friend has been (secretly) growing hair for the past year. He knows I have been balding for many years. Although I have accepted my follicular fate, he knows I constantly search for self-improvement in my life.

What bothers me is that he didn't share the information until I mentioned I was thinking about trying Rogaine. THAT is when he told me he has been using a similar product for the past year and it seems to be working. He even took off his baseball cap (which he has been curiously wearing for a year), to show me the modest results. I doubt he would have shared this if I hadn't raised the subject.

I feel deeply shafted by his secrecy, and I don't see it as such a private matter that it had to be concealed. I do understand that he may have felt embarrassed to admit it bothered him and that he was taking steps to address the issue.

What is the rule of etiquette under the circumstances? Should a person share self-improvement methods that are modestly successful with a close friend who would clearly benefit from the information (assuming it is not so personal or private that it cannot be shared)? -- SHAFTED IN PENNSYLVANIA

( Read more... )

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The Lady Laughs

Especially when you make plans...

Reading

FFA DW Post #2311 - Sooner or later, someone always brings up the Templars

Linda³

Gimme a quilt!

FFA DW Post #2310 - 100L of cumlube. 100L OF CUMLUBE.

Icons That Need Homes

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The Friday Five for 20 June 2025

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Toxic: It's not just a buzzword!

FFA DW Post #2309 🎶 We need to filk free, we need to filk free / We need to filk free from the wank

Social Q’s: No Need to Feel Flattened by a Fifth Wheel

Dear Prudence: My Ex Is Warning All My Dates About Me

will poulter in gotg v3

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One column, two letters

Ask a Manager: The Great Muffin Caper

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