Invisible Illness Week, post 5:

[nilchance]

The last one, I promise.



I know, I said in the last post that there were no privileges. These are privileges compared to what people with visible disabilities endure every day.

People with invisible illnesses don't have to tolerate:
- Endless rounds of "so what happened?"
- Losing out in job interviews due to prejudice; generally speaking, we have the choice (so to speak, and I know there are complications involved with staying in the disability closet in an interview) of whether or not to tell our prospective employers. We don't get asked, illegally, whether we can "handle" the job before we get a chance to try.
- Snow shoved in front of wheelchair ramps.
- To those with a white cane: "so is your hearing better?"
- "Don't pet my service dog. Don't pet my service dog. DON'T PET MY SERVICE DOG."
- Being cursed at, stared at or spit on by the ignorant. (I'm not exaggerating about the spitting thing. My mom once was spit on in a Walmart because her wheelchair temporarily blocked an aisle.)
- People pushing your wheelchair without permission.
- Inaccessible buildings, or "entrances" that require you to go in through a kitchen, or a trashroom. Fine dining indeed.
- Having one's companion asked a question in your stead, ie, "so what does she want to order?"
- Waiting on sufferance in airplanes, buses or planes for the employees to get your into and out of your seat. (See also, Delta airlines forcing a woman with CP to crawl off the plane.)
- "You're going through chemotherapy? Let me tell you all about my cousin/friend/dentist's boyfriend's sister's dog who had (completely different type of cancer), but oh, they died."

There's a public component to visible disabilities that is similar to the public eye constantly trained on women in our society. You're observed, judged, commented upon, and your story is perceived as belonging to the public. You're a learning experience, an "if that happened to me, I'd kill myself!" horror story. You're "inspirational", or you're horribly irresponsible, sometimes both in the same day. You do not belong to yourself anymore.

So, yes, I do believe I have able-bodied privilege. A few minutes in a borrowed grocery store wheelchair or with a cane is only a look into that world, not a claim to its sorrows or its joys.

Comments

[unrund.livejournal.com]

People pushing your wheelchair without permission.

People do that? O____O
How rude do you have to be to do that?

[spazzer-mctwich.livejournal.com]

one of the girls in my theater group is in a wheelchair and i've seen people "help" her like that many times. and then they have the audacity to get angry when she would politely tell them not to.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

I've seen it happen quite a lot, too.

And the talking to the companion thing is just bizarre- we could have been there having a complicated conversation (me and the person in a wheelchair, that is) and yet the server or whatever would STILL turn to me. Like. Hello? We were NOT just speaking some strange language here! (My response is always "I don't know." *turn obviously towards person in wheelchair. "*name*, what do you want?")

[jdsgirlbev.livejournal.com]

I'm in a wheelchair and I can tell you that yes, I have had most of those experiences. Let me add people assuming I'm also deaf and slow and lean down and shout veeery slowly into my face. Look closely, boob. You will see my ears have not migrated to my ass. I can hear and understand you just fine!

Yes, people are just that damn rude and insensitive 99.9% of the time.

[sleeping-dragon.livejournal.com]

Because the five seconds it would take to ask: "Do you need help?" (eg, getting something from a high shelf) or "Could you hand me X?" (eg something on a shelf temporarily blocked by a wheelchair) or just WAITING would be far too much to ask. I cannot tell you the stunned looks I've gotten from people with visible disabilities when I've offered them my seat on the metro, even when I'm not in the 'reserved for the elderly and disabled' seats that are almost never filled with those they're reserved for. Admittedly, I don't randomly offer said seat on the chance someone on the train might have an invisible disability, but if someone said out loud, "Man, I'm tired," I'd give up my seat, unless I had just spent 8 hours on my feet and was wiped out myself. Society has just gotten way too "me first, screw you".

[bkm5191.livejournal.com]

and your story is perceived as belonging to the public I have literally never thought about that, thanks for the eye opener.

[tobemeagain.livejournal.com]

Working in retail for 15+ years I saw just about all of that happening on a weekly basis. My district manager used to get out a measuring tape to see if we could move the isle shelving closer together... um what about the larger wheelchairs or electric chairs, they won't fit. "Handicap Accessible" seems to be a joke or the punchline, not something taken seriously.
It floors me that common courtesy is just ignored. Visible or invisible, handicap people are just that people; not exhibits, not a moral, just people who are trying to live their lives.