nilchance: original art from a vintage print; art of a woman being struck by lightning (wolf)
[personal profile] nilchance
Title: Straddling the Line
Author: [livejournal.com profile] nilchance
Rating: R
a/n: Serendipity-verse. Jeff has to fish or cut bait.



It's been less than a year, but Jeff is already learning not to reach for Sarah when he wakes.

It hadn't occurred to him. Not until he woke up with the scent of breakfast downstairs, Zach's voice, Ever's laugh. Sarah was the missing piece; there would be no jokes about getting a room. None of Sarah teasing Ever about bedhead, or Sarah and Zach conspiring to pitch Jeff into the ocean.

It's easier to pretend that he had never met her. That his time with Sarah was some sort of extended dream, a vacation from reality. He'd packaged Ever and Zach up with that part of his life and buried it.

David had warned him that they'd come back in a few months. That they'd give him a chance to have a pack around him, now that he wasn't so raw with grief that he couldn't stand it. Nobody had mentioned the two boys. Nobody had said what they'd do if Jeff snapped again.

He can still smell Jensen on his sheets, stronger than Sarah's ghost.

His morning rhythm is disturbed. He sits on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, staring at his shoes. There's not much chatter downstairs. Zach and Ever have been together long enough to move in sync, and he can't take it this morning.

He slips downstairs barefoot, pausing to check in on the boys. They're sacked out, dead asleep in a tangle of limbs. Jared has one arm slung protectively over Jensen. Jeff can smell the ocean and wet fur. He probably doesn't want to know why.

Zach and Ever have to hear him coming down the steps, but nobody stops him as he heads out the door.

Bisou has spent most of the last six months on the mainland, because Jeff doesn't trust his temper. But it still feels strange not to have a running partner. He starts out slow, pacing himself, feeling the impact of each step on the sand. There are footprints waiting for him to fill, the stride slightly shorter than his own. Ever, maybe. After a few minutes, Jeff outstretches them and pours himself into the run.

The wolf is there in the white noise inside his head, the burn of his muscles, the rhythm of his breath. It's there and it's restless. He's let it slip the leash every morning, let the run become a declaration of his territory. He can't let it go now, not with two unturned boys on the island, not with Ever here. With Zach.

The wolf remembers the sound bone made when Jeff hit Zach, when Zach hit the ground. It remembers the moment that Sarah stopped being mate and became meat.

Jeff pushes the wolf down and slows his strides. It shoves against him, pulling at the seams. As his pulse quiets, it seems like he can hold the world: the shine of the sun off the water, the heat of the sand, the taste of salt, the green smell of Sarah's herb garden... and deeper, Ever's scent: powdery and feral. She still smells like the deserts of Nevada, where they met.

Without turning, Jeff says, "I'll be inside in a few minutes."

Ever touches him, her hand skimming under his shirt to rest on his back. The wolf shivers, Jeff shivers, and he hates that he can't tell the difference anymore.

Then Ever kicks the back of his knee and takes him down. Jeff hits hard on his raised hands, sand stinging in his face. He rolls and Ever lands on him, her ass on his stomach. Jeff grunts, tries to double up, and Ever's punch clips him on the jaw. It won't hurt in five minutes, not with their healing, but he tastes blood and sees lights.

"C'mon," Ever snarls, and slaps him soundly upside the head. "Come on!"

Another sharp crack, and Jeff slips. He moves without thinking, tossing her to the sand and lunging for her. His hands slide in suntan lotion as she squirms away, all sharp elbows and knees, until he grabs her by the waistband and hauls her under him. It's all a tussle then, bruising close strikes, Ever growling, her nails on his skin.

It feels free. It feels good.

Jeff lets her pitch him over, her thighs around his hips, her hair in his face. He smacks at her, stinging, taunting, and she bites his shoulder hard enough to draw blood. He doesn't think, grabs her hair, pulls her head aside to bare her throat. She makes a harsh sound, defiant, and wrenches against his hand harder than he'd ever yank. He hesitates, she cracks her knee into his ribs.

He's stronger. He rolls her over again, pins her beneath him, bites and bullies his face into the curve of her throat. He bites, and she stiffens, her heels skidding in the sand. Her hand latches in his hair, digging her nails in, and he huffs against her skin. Laughs.

"Fuck," Ever mutters, and relaxes under his mouth. She tangles her fingers up in his hair, stroking now. "I missed you."

The wolf grumbles and subsides. Dizzy with it, Jeff loosens his jaw and kisses the angry-looking bite.

Ever inhales, like she does before a rant, then seems to deflate all at once. Pushing Jeff back so she can look him straight in the eye, she asks, "Can you do this?"

And that's it, right on the table, no bullshit. Can he do this? Can he tolerate having them here? Can he trust himself not to hurt someone? Can he help the boys, or should they go back to David?

Jeff takes in a breath to say something smart, to stall, and it chokes him. His eyes hurt. Ever nudges her head against his and doesn't try to say anything comforting. She's just there.

"I'm trying," he says, when he can say anything. "What about Zach?"

"Zach," Ever scoffs, but she won't quite look at him. She was the one who pulled Zach out of the house before Jeff could kill him. She was the one David had to keep from going for Jeff's throat. "You know he forgives you."

"No. I don't know that."

"He already told you. He's here. I'm here," and Ever grimaces to show her opinion of over-protective males. She rests her hand on his nape. "Jensen's sick. Like Sarah."

Something lurches hard in Jeff's belly. He tenses, but Ever doesn't pull away. She meets his eyes, dead serious. Swallowing, Jeff rasps, "You think he can make the shift?"

"I'm not sure."

"Can't David--?"

"David's getting old, Jeff." Ever glances away at the sky. She almost doesn't sound like she's talking about her uncle. "He's getting weaker. One of these days, he won't be able to hold the pack he's got."

Jeff realizes what she's not saying; Ever's power has outpaced David's. She was trying to top Jeff, trying to be alpha so she could hold the pack together through sheer will. She can't go back to the house in Nevada, not to stay. If she leaves, she's taking the boys with her to create a new pack. She probably can't heal the boys, not by herself.

Turning his face against her shoulder, Jeff breathes her in. Her scent tangles up with Sarah's in his head. He can follow either. Sarah would be easier.

The back door creaks. Jeff glances up and sees Zach's shadow against the screen. Waiting to see which way he'll go, watching them fight. Jeff broke his jaw, nearly snapped his neck, all because Zach threw himself in harm's way. Zach isn't alpha, he knew that Jeff would hurt him, but it was Zach's ass or Ever's. If Ever and Jeff went at it, one of them would end up dead. Damned fool knew what he was doing.

Last night's visit, Jensen's closed-down wariness, Jared's smile. Zach and Ever. It all came down to this.

"We can save them," Jeff murmurs. "Jared and Jensen. If we try."

"Maybe." Ever sounds wary, but her pulse picks up. "Maybe not. Why, you offering to try?"

"Yeah." Jeff sighs, rubbing his cheek on her. "Yeah, I'm offering."

"Damn right." Ever gives him a little push and gets up, looking around like somebody saw her snuggling Jeff. "There's pancakes."

"Cold now, aren't they?"

"Hell, I didn't make them. That's what Zach's for." Giving Jeff a hand up, Ever says, "I have plans for the boys. I'll tell you over breakfast."

"Maybe you should let them heal up first," Jeff said mildly.

Ever frowns, then rubs the back of her head. "Yeah. Maybe."

From the screen door, Zach flashes Jeff a quick thumbs-up and disappears before Jeff can do anything more than blink. They'll be making up later, then. In so much as Jeff could apologize for breaking Zach's face.

His pack. His responsibility.

He'd missed this.

Date: 2008-05-06 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] silverkit.livejournal.com
Who hoo! More puppies!

I like how you've got Ever showing how she's willing to pick up if Jeff can't but that in the long run it would be better if Jeff was the one to lead the way.

I like the background you give us about Ever and Zach in Jeff's life and I can't wait until Jared and Jensen wake up and join the party again!

Such a wonderful verse!

Date: 2008-05-06 12:09 am (UTC)
poisontaster: (JDM)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
*hums* I love how far you've taken this from the original premise; taken something cracky and silly and fun and made it INTERESTING and MYSTERIOUS and fun. *g*

There are so many lines of tension here and each of them is so exquisitely drawn that I can feel the pull. I think that's what a lot of fiction, pro and amateur misses, and what ultimately turned me off Mercedes Lackey for good; so many authors can't stand and can't set up the ongoing dramatic tension of people being people and having their own agendas, even when they're ostensibly on the same side. It turns into this Disneyesque everyone pulling at the traces at the same time in the same direction like a horse team and it just...lacks bite.

Date: 2008-05-06 12:10 am (UTC)
poisontaster: (Reading)
From: [personal profile] poisontaster
You need to put a universe tag on these so I can bookmark them all for del.icio.us, woman!

Date: 2008-05-06 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weesta.livejournal.com
I am so intrigued by this 'verse! I love the description of the fight and the wolfy-ness of Jeff and Ever's physicality. Looking forward to finding out what exactly is wrong with Jensen.

Date: 2008-05-06 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladykatiewench.livejournal.com
Oooo....this just rocks. Just how everyone is broken in their own way, but trying to deal..like ya do. So good.

Date: 2008-05-06 01:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] atypia.livejournal.com
I FUCKING LOVE THIS.

(has nothing more to say, really)

Date: 2008-05-06 01:35 am (UTC)
tabaqui: (johnb&wbyobaona)
From: [personal profile] tabaqui
Ah, i love it. I love when a character has some kind of hidden, inner 'other' - some duality that they live with but struggle with, too. I love a pack, love this.

:)

Date: 2008-05-06 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spazzer-mctwich.livejournal.com
Whooot! Jeff would be such a good alpha. I love this verse so much. Can't wait for the next part

Date: 2008-05-06 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lomer.livejournal.com
I love this series so much! I love how sharp Jeff's senses are. It's so easy to get caught up in his enviroment because it's amazingly vivid. I love the power struggle of the pack. I love that they're discussing Jensen and Jared almost as though they're a couple of abused puppies. Someone needs to be responsible for the puppies. They won't survive on their own. I guess considering their pack dynamic, puppies wouldn't be a completely inappropriate way to describe the boys. I can't wait to see what happens next! Thank you so much for writing!

Date: 2008-05-06 02:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thevulgarvirgin.livejournal.com
I'm actually looking at wolf/hybrid pups at the moment so this is right up my alley, I have no words for how awesome this verse is, I love the pacing and different glimpses at the past. The thought of a wolf lurking and trembling, pulsing underneath their skin *settles in for a long stay*

Date: 2008-05-06 08:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iyalode.livejournal.com
I so very much love the simple complexity of your stories and this one's no different. Pack dynamics, human nature in all its glory and gah, you kill me with the mystery unfolding.

Date: 2008-05-06 09:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fureux.livejournal.com
oh yes.YES!

Date: 2008-05-06 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bathsweaver.livejournal.com
Oh, joy. Thank you so much!

Date: 2008-05-06 07:53 pm (UTC)
ext_16597: (Default)
From: [identity profile] ysbail.livejournal.com
Wow - I have so many questions about this verse but I'm going to wait for you to reveal the answers or I'm just going to be writing a long list - a very long list.

I think you must be bored of my comments by now - all I keep doing is saying how wonderful your verses are and, well, you must have had enough of it *g* I think I need to find a better way of complimenting you - because you always deserve the compliment.

Date: 2008-05-06 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frightened.livejournal.com
Wow, I love where you've gone with this. Kind of reminds me of Kelley Armstrong's Bitten (http://www.kelleyarmstrong.com/aBitten.htm), where her main character is trying very hard not to be a werewolf and to stay away from her pack.

I also love the way you (and your missus) do backstory, little bits dropped here and there, no Sudden Dump Of Exposition.

Date: 2008-05-06 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sam-can-do-it.livejournal.com
This is complete brilliance and I really need to stop reading your stuff at work, but it's ok I waited til lunch on this chapter.

I was telling my friend [livejournal.com profile] silverkit earlier, that I love the way you tease us with a little more information with each new chapter, revealing a little more of this brilliant world!

Date: 2008-05-07 07:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tittakv.livejournal.com
Interesting dynamic they've got going here. I'm totally intrigued by this fic, and I'm craving more.

Date: 2008-05-07 12:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] realpestilence.livejournal.com
Have you seen this Jeff picspam?

http://arabella-hope.livejournal.com/541249.html

Date: 2008-05-07 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com
Oooh, angsty and ominous (yeah, I like those things, heh) ... and so many questions... what's this sickness, what makes people 'change', who knows about that whole thing? Guess I'll just have to sit tight. Looking forward to more of the littler J's. Um, David - who is he, I mean in reality? I should probably know but I'm sort of out of the loop-y.

Date: 2008-05-08 08:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iamthedirtgirl.livejournal.com
this is a great verse. all I just stumbled into it. I read your stuff and I get so sucked in. I keep tracking and I'm just going to give up and ask if I can friend you (going to ask beanside the same) because anything you or she or both of you together write I end up loving and I don't want to be missing out any more when things come up. But I don't want to friend without permission as I haven't developed a relationship with you as a reader. I've been pretty quiet with your stuff, lurking. I've been a lurker a lot more recently. Finding myself with less to say the better the work strangely enough. I think you and beanside are the only authors I read that combine Jeff with either Jensen or Jared over them with each other that I truly enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I ADORE JEFF. He's Jeff. Adult, manly, yummy Jeff. It just hadn't realized I even had made an unconcious choice of pairing. But you make it so easy to slide into the other possibilities. And I love the way you take other actors/characters and define them, work them into the story. I'm hanging on and in all over the place. Anyway, I hope you get this and give me the ok to friend you. Even if not, gonna enjoy your work and wish you well in all things!

Date: 2008-05-08 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frightened.livejournal.com
Played the main dude in the Kung Fu TV series in the 1970s. More recently, Bill in the Kill Bill films.

Date: 2008-05-09 07:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 1more-sickpuppy.livejournal.com
Oh! Really? David Carradine. I had no idea. He's very fitting.

Date: 2008-07-28 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] deathangelgw.livejournal.com
aw man...this was so good! I need like...more...like...soon!

Date: 2008-07-31 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] niccy07.livejournal.com
This sounds so damn interesting. I'm curious to see what kind of world the boys live in. Not to mention, how werewolves fit into all this. pls say this will be continued? I'm developing a love for your broken!Jensens by the way.

Date: 2008-10-10 10:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] littlepunkryo.livejournal.com
Wow, I missed this! It's very original. I love protective-of-jared!Jensen. And I love Jeff...pretty much anyway I can get him!! Awesome.

Date: 2009-03-23 04:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darthnikki.livejournal.com
Werewolves?? ooh freaky!! Love it though. May I ask a question? And please don't take this this the wrong way, but are you going to finish any of your fics? Hey I know life can be a bitch so I undertand real life can be a pain, its just that your fics are so good, that I'm kinda hooked and want more. I hope you update soon, and honestly no disrespect meant, just want more of your awesome writing...please...pretty please xxx

Date: 2009-07-20 08:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] winchester-grl4.livejournal.com
I've stumbled across this verse and I'm insantly hooked! :) I love the protective yet broken!jensen. I sure hope this fic isn't abandoned? I'd love to read more :) Major kudos!

Date: 2010-01-16 05:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anthrodork.livejournal.com
OMG...please tell me you did not abandon this. I really want more, lol

Date: 2010-01-19 09:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mountingsnow.livejournal.com
I miss this!

Date: 2012-05-15 09:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tygrrlyli.livejournal.com
I was re-reading this, because I routinely go through your LJ to re-read things you and beanside have written.

I was curious, do you think you might re-visit this fic, or possibly some of the other WIPs you have?

Sorry if I sound pushy or something. That's definitely not my intent. I'm just curious (and hopeful).

Anyway, thank you for leaving your fic up to be read. I greatly appreciate being able to re-read them.

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