nilchance: original art from a vintage print; art of a woman being struck by lightning (Default)
[personal profile] nilchance
Title: Of Bastard Saints
Authors: [livejournal.com profile] nilchance and [livejournal.com profile] beanside
Rating: Adult
Disclaimer: We make no claim of ownership on the Brothers and Daddy Winchester. No infringement is intended, no money is made.
Author Notes: Set after the episode "Devil's Trap."
WARNINGS: Character maiming, violence, more angst than you can shake a stick at, WIP.



"So, where's the sign that says "drug dealers and weapons runners apply here?" Sam asked, looking at the heavy security around the locker complex.

"Seattle's not exactly the smuggling hub of the universe," John said, shooting him a quick, tight smile.

Sam started to reply when pain suddenly spiked in his head, blinding and sharp. The landscape swam out of view. He felt his balance go and flailed for a second, trying to go down. "-Dad?"

Before Sam could fall, John was there, solid against his back. An arm looped around Sam's stomach, tucking him against John's hip before Sam's knees buckled. A hand touched his cheek. Contact. "Sam-"

The world was swallowed.

Sam found himself, elsewhere. From the warm solid weight of his father's arm around him, he knew that this time, he'd dragged his father into it too. "Dad?"

"I'm here." John looked out, over the room. Sparse furniture, water-stained wallpaper, dismal and cheap. Dad seemed to recognize it. "Oh, God."

Sam looked around the cheerless room, noting the much younger version of his father, and the small baby on the floor. "That's me? Oh fuck. Dean's pulling me into his memories, isn't he?"

"Or something like that. And I'm getting dragged along for the ride."

The memory played out. Sam felt something wet on his shoulder, heard the soft intake of breath as his father said hoarsely. "I don't think I ever told him that again. That I loved him."

Sam was silent, lost in his own pain. You're my brother, and I'd die for you. It had never occurred to him how far Dean would go. Had Sam ever thanked him for pulling him out of his burning house...twice, for not letting him fall into the pit of despair after Jess had died?

He had. Dean never accepted it. Protecting Sam was just what he did, whether Sam wanted it or not, whether Sam thanked him or not.

The scene shifted, and they felt Dean, felt the raging anger that filled him. Felt his determination to avenge his dead-oh, shit.

John sucked in a hard breath as the demon appeared, seeing that Dean's resolve didn't change as he saw the horror draw closer. "You can't kill it, Dean, run. Get out of there."

The fight, that horrible sound of fists on flesh as Dean got beaten to hell. The binding, which Sam missed most of because he couldn't breathe past the fear, the anger, the petty little voice that demanded why Dean was the one to drive the knife home, why Sam couldn't have-

Sam felt his father tense, going rigid as Dean bent and spat blood into the open end of the hourglass. John bit off, like Dean could hear him, like he could stop it, "Jesus, Dean, no-"

In slow motion, the blood welled through the holy water. As it spread, it brushed the ash that made up the demon, mingling-

With a sickening snap, the ash seemed to devour the blood. The ash darkened, strengthened, welling up against the glass. As the demon got stronger, Sam saw Dean gasp and stagger. Automatically, Sam reached out to steady him. His hands touched Dean's shoulder, and Sam jerked at the force of something ricocheting through the contact.

There was an aching emptiness, a feeling of walls buckling under the strain. The demon was pushing, hard, and Dean was losing ground.

Without thinking, desperate, Sam reached for Dean, using whatever power he had, his fucking gift to press against those walls, to keep them up, give them reinforcement. Behind him, he felt his father doing the same. What the hell?

The walls held. Trembling, groaning from the strain, but God, they held.

The vision released.

Sam staggered, only his father's grip keeping them both upright. "A shop vac? " Sam rasped, a hysterical note in his voice. "He bound a greater demon with a shop vac? Is that even possible? I mean, the black shit is non corporeal, right? He bound it with a shop vac?"

"Not all the way," John said quietly. His voice was steady, almost calm. "The holy water would suspend the demon, make the black stuff corporeal enough. Then, to throw it in a container with the devil's trap..." John nodded. "That would do it. But he added blood. He tied himself to the binding. Unless he seals the hourglass away, the demon can still get to him. It'll talk to him, try to tempt him. Try to drive him insane. This is bad, Sammy."

There was something in his father's voice. Something he hadn't heard before. It took a moment to place the sound. Fear. John Winchester was afraid, and that scared the hell out of Sam. "Dad," he said fiercely, "this is Dean. Dean's always been solid. He doesn't want money, he doesn't want anything for himself. He'll be okay until we get there."

John's silence was an answer. Not a good one. He steadied Sam, then took a step back. When Sam didn't fall on his face, John went to the thumb-pad lock. It recognized him as 'John Smith', but didn't open. John glanced at Sam.

Still shaking his head (Shop vac? Jesus, Dean), Sam stepped up beside him and pressed his thumb to the pad. The system welcomed 'Samantha', which would've been funnier and more irritating if Sam wasn't still reeling. He followed his father deeper into the storage locker, a labyrinth of empty hallways and lights clicking on one by one to illuminate the blank walls.

Dean wasn't solid. Not this Dean. That absolute blistering rage, that feeling that something vital and solid was about to collapse under the strain...

Because Sam wasn't there. Because he thought Sam was dead.

Sam felt the cool metal of the radio knob under his fingers, and realized belatedly that he was fidgeting with the chain again. Comforting, but not helpful if someone attacked. His head was pounding dully in the aftermath of that vision, and the memory of the look on his father's face as he realized what Dean had done gnawed at Sam in the silence.

Finally, they reached a place where John stopped. Out of habit, Sam waited for his father to pick the lock and was surprised to see that no, he actually had a key for this one. Go figure.

The locker opened into a skeleton of a weapons hold, most of the brackets empty now. There was a small stack of cardboard ammo boxes by the wall, a rumpled sleeping bag on the room's single cot. The room smelled like hell, liquor and gun oil and sickness. There was blood streaked across the floor and one wall. Sam went to sit on the cot, watching for a moment as his father ran his fingers over one of the remaining guns. A flash of white in the corner of his vision made him turn his head, picking up the crumpled piece of paper. Sam recognized the mess of Dean's hand-writing, which was pretty much encryption to anyone who hadn't had to deal with it most of their life.

Hey, read the note. If you're here, something's fucked up your chance at college. If it's me, get your ass back to class and that girl, dumbass. And yeah, I know about the girl. If it's zombies, ration out the hollow-points for the newer ones. They're less squishy.

"I know that," Sam murmured at the note. "Jerk."

So here's the big brother advice, and yeah you have to listen. I'm dead, bitch, let me lecture you. The keys to the Impala are in the stock of the Winchester rifle (ha ha) with the blue inline. You put a dent in her and I'll haunt your ass. Stop listening to Metallica around the Load era, because everything after it is crap. Marry that girl, she's hot and she doesn't take your shit. If you have kids and name one after me, make it the handsome one or I'll haunt your ass for that, too. (If it's a girl, I'm talking full-on chain rattling here, dude. Seriously.) Take it easy on Dad. Be happy.

In less steady handwriting: Tell Dad I'm sorry.

Sam closed his eyes, rubbing his thumb over the last line. "Love you, too," he said softly. Then he raised his head.

There was another note in his father's hand, a drawn look on his face. It was bad. John glanced up, catching Sam's eyes, then shook his head and went to pitch it in the trash.

"Dad," Sam said fiercely.

John hesitated, his hand poised over the trashcan. Sam watched him struggle with something, some decision. Then he sighed and turned back, passing Sam the second note. His hand locked on Sam's wrist before Sam could start reading.

"Your brother," John began, then stopped. He sighed, sitting on the cot beside Sam. "You have to understand what happened when you went to Stanford. We had to separate. He started to-"

The cell phone trilled. John started, then swore and picked up the phone.
"Winchester." A pause. John released Sam's wrist. "I know, Bobby. I've got it under control. I need you to run interference before any jackass gets the bright idea that he's been turned back on us, all right? We've got enough goddamn problems without trying to protect him from our own. He bound the demon." Silence as John listened, his eyes closing. "Yeah, I remember Sinclair. But Dean isn't her. We can get to him. I just need you to give us the time."

The messy scrawl was the only common link between the two. The words were starker, no asides. There was a smear of red across the paper. Sam skimmed it, feeling his heart sink.

I think my name is Dean. Dean Winchester. That doesn't mean anything to me.

I don't know who I expect to read this in a locked room left to a dead man, but I've seen stranger. There are demons, apparently. Or I'm insane. I have dreams I don't understand, nightmares that aren't mine. I have scars I don't remember. I shot a guy on the Interstate and felt nothing. I punched another guy and felt like a monster. None of this makes sense to me. I'm tired, but I keep running because there's something behind me. I remember killing a girl. I have a father, but I don't remember his face. Bothers me. I don't remember a mother. I had a brother. Had a younger brother. I couldn't protect him. I can't even remember his name.

They killed my brother.

I'll kill them all.


Sam closed his eyes and cursed.

There was a click as the phone closed, a creak as John turned to him. John said, softly, "All right, Sam. It's time I tell you something about your brother." John scratched his chin. "Hell, about the whole damned family."

Sam looked up, waiting.

Before John could open his mouth again, the locker door started smoking, and a moment later, a hideous scaly creature stood in the hole it had created.

Without bothering to really look, Sam pulled the rifle off the cot, blasting it point blank with pure rock salt. Unlike Dean, it didn't get up.

"Maybe family sharing should wait until we're out of here," John said, re-holstering his revolver.
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

Date: 2006-05-25 12:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] itling.livejournal.com
So I've been reading this for a while and I've been really bad about commenting but I figure I should tell you just how fantastic this is. You have them written so well and the pacing of this is really, really well done. Thank you for writing this.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Thank you! Wereally appreciate the kind words. Glad you're enjoying it.

Date: 2006-05-25 12:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] o-contrary.livejournal.com
You? Are far more evil than these demons. They COWER in the face of your evilness.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Not us! We're cute and sweet and fluffy. And certainly would never do evil things to characters. *nod*

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] o-contrary.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-25 04:10 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-25 04:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] o-contrary.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-26 05:17 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-05-25 01:05 am (UTC)
tigriswolf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] tigriswolf
The scaly thing out of nowhere? Would totally happen in real life.

Amazing, again. I need to work on my adjectives

Date: 2006-05-25 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*grin* It would in my life, at least. But my family's a little f-ed up, too.

Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 01:05 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] kbk
Hee! Something about the ending tickles me just right. But I'm kinda dreading what's gonna happen. The binding, the big family secret, the powers... I have suspicions, but I'm gonna let this play out. I get the feeling you're gonna make it worth it. I'd tell you to stop hurting me like this, but you make it hurt so good.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*cues the John Mellencamp in brain* Plenty of time for it to get worse play out. *nod* I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thank you!

Date: 2006-05-25 01:14 am (UTC)
ext_5650: Six of my favourite characters (Default)
From: [identity profile] phantomas.livejournal.com
Loving it. Just loving it. Reading the letters, through John and Sam's eyes...oh my.
thanks :)

Date: 2006-05-25 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Yeah. That's why we didn't show them in Dean's chapter. They'll hold more punch if you're seeing it from Sam or John's perspective. I'm glad you're enjoying it, thank you for the kind words!

Date: 2006-05-25 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lifesscar.livejournal.com
o.o


once again, left sitting on the edge of my seat trying not to figure it all out because I know I'll be wrong and just... waiting... for the next chapter.

o.o

Date: 2006-05-25 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*grin* Thanks! We'll have it up this evening.

Date: 2006-05-25 01:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jedi-diplomat.livejournal.com
ACK! Don't stop there! Tease!

Date: 2006-05-25 04:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*laugh* Us, teases? *grin* Okay, just a little. Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 02:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] staceey.livejournal.com
OMG I fucking love this story and you keep dropping me off cliffs at the end of each chapter. You're trying to kill me, right? xD I want more tonight not tomorrow night! =P Ok all that aside, bravo! You broke my heart with that letter where Dean believes his lil' bro dead. OMG poor poor Dean, yes I want more of this story, damn good read.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*laugh* Sadly, it's a good thing we're co-authoring. I've been known to be the cliffhanger queen in the past. *grin* Jess has toned it down a touch, believe it or not.

I'm glad the letter worked for you! Thanks for the kind words!

Date: 2006-05-25 02:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lilmissfury.livejournal.com
Oh wow, that note, it was so...damn it just what I needed to cry like a little girl over this. But with that said, wonderful job. I love the fact that Sammy was Samantha, that sounds like something Dean would do.

And yes Sam could name his daughter Deana lol.

I don't know I keep getting a little John/Dean out of this, of course considering that's my favorite pairing ever at the moment, that doesn't surprise me at all. I would get Dean/John vibes off of anything lol.

Great work ladies, seriously.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
I'm glad you're getting things that you want/need out of it. Jess and I were discussing it, and it occurred to us that for a story that's all about Dean, the common thread throughout is the redemption of John, so no real shock on the vibes, I guess.

Thank you for the kind words!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] lilmissfury.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-25 07:30 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-05-25 02:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] antigone11.livejournal.com
What an ending! What deep dark secret is John about to impart? I feel like this is one of those old fashioned serials with the girl tied to the tracks and the train steaming up, about to run her over. I still absolutely adore the shop vac. That is so classic!Dean, I can't say how classic it is.

Just how deep is the shit Dean's in right now? Are we talking eyeballs? Or just chest high?

Date: 2006-05-25 04:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Right this second, I'd say up to the eyeballs and sinking fast. *nod*

I'm glad you're enjoying it, even if we're driving you insane. *grin* I just totally could see Dean deciding to suck the demon up like spilled kitty litter. And as far as secrets...I wouldn't say it's a deep dark one, just something they kept to protect their Sammy.

Date: 2006-05-25 03:08 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
God bless you people for prolific-ness. (word? it is now, bitches.)

I love you so much for this. It's awesome.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*laugh* Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it. We all needed something to help with the summer hiatus!

Date: 2006-05-25 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dolimir-k.livejournal.com
Wow! Good stuff!!

So Dean bound the demon to him and the demon can talk to him and drive him crazy. Yikes!

Date: 2006-05-25 04:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Yup. Dean's kinda screwed himself. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 03:19 am (UTC)
ext_7751: (dt1)
From: [identity profile] janissa11.livejournal.com
The blood. Yes. And teetering on the edge of finding out that something about Dean, that's going to explain all of it, yes? *shiver* Lordy, y'all do know how to make my blood pressure go up. ::cringe:: I love this, adore it, want to have its babies. And if you delay updating I WILL hunt you down. (Hey, I learned from DW, man. *g*)

Date: 2006-05-25 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
It'll explain a lot, we hope. It also will create more problems, though.

I'm glad you're enjoying it! Though we were really thinking about getting it neutered before it spawns more little baby stories. *grin*

Shouldn't be any delay in updating. We're still about ten chapters ahead of what we're posting.

Date: 2006-05-25 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calicomary.livejournal.com
*scratches head* Okay, I read this right after watching the season finale of LOST and there is way too much WTF? going in my head right now. Suffice it to say, I have no clue where this is going but I can't wait to see.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*laugh* I heard about the Lost finale. And went "spuh?"

I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] djinanna.livejournal.com
Oh, that was painful. And sad. And that note - so much worse looking at it from Sam's and John's perspectives than when it was Dean's POV. Or, well, no not worse, but a different kind of bad. *whimper* And, oh Dean, a blood tie to the demon, didn't even think of that. Eeek. Plus other hunters getting all antsy and jumping to conclusions and jumping the gun. As a wise and great woman once said, "if it's not one thing, it's another." *whimper*

Last couple paragraphs? Made me shout out loud with laughter. Um... I'm guessing they probably weren't actually meant to be funny. All I can say is, it's the matter-of-factness of Sam's actions, the matter-of-factness of John's words. At least it all softened the frustration from having this "about the family" reveal delayed - by two chapters, probably.

Um, I don't remember where I saw the rec for this story - I should say, the recS, since there were 3 or 4 of them. But I'm really glad I tuned it. Very enjoyable, fascinating plot, and I have a weakness for amnesia fics. Also, yay Dean.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Nah, I thought they were pretty funny. Just Sam's total "oh for fuck's sake" attitude at that point amused me. Yeah, Dean's problems are stacking up.

I'm glad it's working for you!

We're both still mildly overwhelmed by how many people have rec'ced it. We just wrote something we thought was interesting, and posted it for the hell of it, and it's...wow.

So thank you for the kind words!

Date: 2006-05-25 03:55 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] irishdf
There are no words. Seriously. So good. I hope and pray, every day, that there's going to be an update, because I'm hooked.

Dean was just too good at being *there* for both Sam and John. So much so, that they tended to take him for granted. Not anymore. In some ways it's good that they've reached the point where they *have* to communicate with each other. So you know that it must be serious. But it's also very, very bad, because Dean's all alone and feeling reckless and filled with rage. And confusion. Poor thing.

I cannot wait for the next installment. Thank you so much for this.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*nod* Exactly. At one point, John refers to Dean as "gravity." Can't change it, can't fight it, it's just always there.

As far as we can tell, there'll be updates pretty much daily until it's finished.

I really like the dynamic of John/Sam, trying so hard to get along, to get to Dean, but with so many simmering resentments and angers that they're ignoring right now. I'm glad everyone else is enjoying it, too! Thank you!

Date: 2006-05-25 04:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] squee1123.livejournal.com
...and you leave us on that note? Knowing theres some fmaily secret that even SAM doesnt know about? You ARE evil.

But the good kind.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
Which leads to the question of why Sam doesn't know it. Was it John and Dean protecting his innocence, or something that Sam didn't want to know?

I'm glad you're enjoying it!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] squee1123.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-26 02:59 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-05-25 05:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] caelent.livejournal.com
What? What?! *kicks demon for interrupting the big reveal* You guys are so good.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*laugh* I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 06:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whisp.livejournal.com
Gah! Cliffhanger! :P So not nice.

*wibbles* Love Dean's notes to Sam.

Date: 2006-05-25 04:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
The sad thing is that I don't even register it as a cliffhanger in my brain, because no one's hanging on the edge of certain death. *laugh*

I'm glad you're enjoying it, though. And that we made you wibble. Thanks!

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] whisp.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-05-25 10:33 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2006-05-25 06:47 am (UTC)
mellaithwen: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mellaithwen
TELL US JOHN, well no, RUN, then TELL US JOHN GOD DAMN IT!

Date: 2006-05-25 04:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
He'll get there. You just can't rush a Winchester.

Thanks!

Date: 2006-05-25 05:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maisontv.livejournal.com
I just read all of the chapters in one sitting, and I have to say....WOW. You are amazing. You've got all of the voices down really well. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Date: 2006-05-25 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beanside.livejournal.com
*grin* Thanks for the kind words! All in one sitting? Wow, you must be a glutton for punishment. *grin* I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Date: 2006-05-25 09:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] batina35.livejournal.com
Dean's two notes - heartbreaking. You guys are keeping this so interesting. I went away for a mini-vacation and came back to two new chapters. Loved 16 and 17. Dean's killing me right now. Keep up the great work!

Date: 2006-06-09 08:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ryu-kk009.livejournal.com
Oh, the heavens! I'm just belatedly catching up with your epic, and oh, how I am in love with it, and your Dean (and John)! I really, really need to read the following chapters that I am so happy to know are waiting, but I just wanted to thank you deeply for sharing this, for writing this. Of so many ways that this story appeals to me, one is the way it gives me a version of an answer to the nagging question(s) I have had: how would the Winchesters (most specifically Dean and John) survive (well, Sam I see surviving, while I feared Dean would be a sacrifice) once they've avenged Mary, and what would be the cost they pay, willingly or not?
I thought it impossible, but this is getting even more intriguing the more I read!!

Date: 2006-12-05 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zillahseye.livejournal.com
The letter! Whimper! *curls up*

Date: 2007-08-31 06:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] brynspikess.livejournal.com
They killed my brother.

I'll kill them all.


Goddammit. I'm not even really reading this thing, 'cause I've read it several times before, right now I'm just browsing through and rereading my favorite scenes, and even just random skimming is bringing tears to my eyes. Love this story despite the huge rip it tears in my heart. Or maybe because of it.

Thank you for writing it.
Page 1 of 2 << [1] [2] >>

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nilchance: original art from a vintage print; art of a woman being struck by lightning (Default)
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