FIC: Goodnight, Nobody (1/1)

[nilchance]

Title: Goodnight, Nobody
Author: nilchance
Rating: PG. Shaaaame.
Pairing: CWRPS, Jeff/Chad
A/N: Fits into beanside's cmm/jdm-verse. Set several years after the events of All That You Are. Schmoooooooop. And also crack.



Two months after the end of Galactica, two months of blissful unemployment, the phone call jerked Chad out of a perfectly good nap. He groaned, burying his face against Jeff.

Jeff grumbled back, flinging an arm over his eyes and squirming like he was about to pull the pillow over his head.

Chad poked him in the ribs. "Phone."

"So get it."

"Your phone." Maybe it belonged to both of them, since Chad hadn't managed to leave Jeff's house for six weeks. But until they had some kind of unmanly talk or whatever, it was Jeff's damn phone. At least when it was inconvenient.

"You're closer."

"I blew you."

"Huh. Good point." Grudgingly, Jeff reached across Chad and fumbled the phone. He smelled like sleep and hours-old sex, his voice scratchy as he said, "Yeah?"

Damned if Jeff's voice didn't still make things curl up warm inside Chad's gut. His cock gave a half-hearted twitch. Maybe once Jeff was off the phone, they could go again.

Jeff sat up in bed, propping himself up on his elbows. Chad opened his eyes, alert now, but Jeff was grinning. "Hey, congratulations, daddy! That's great... Uh-huh. Pretty name for a pretty girl, I bet."

Right. Jeff's college buddy Tony and his knocked-up flaky girlfriend. Chad had forgotten about it in all the sex and naps. Hopefully it wouldn't involve getting out of bed.

Jeff talked for a few minutes, mostly 'uh-huh' and 'yeah' and 'no, don't puke, you'll be a great dad.' Just when Chad was about to roll over and doze again, Jeff wrapped it up and flopped back down beside him.

"Baby, huh," Chad said. "Awesome."

"Yeah. They named her Grace."

"That'll be great when she's shitting herself."

"Yeah. Poor little thing. C'mere." Sliding an arm around him, Jeff hauled Chad back against him and kissed his shoulder. "They want us to come up this summer. Apparently we're godfathers."

"Fairy godfathers." Craning his head around, Chad said, "What, both of us?"

"Well, yeah. We're a matched set, dumbass." Resting his forehead on Chad's neck, Jeff said, softer, "That okay?"

Chad twined his fingers with Jeff's. Squeezed him, firm enough to say 'yes', and 'I love you', and 'of course it's okay.' Then he dragged Jeff's hand south and said, "If we're babysitting, I expect some damned good sex out of this, Morgan."

Jeff laughed and bit him hard enough to mark.
*******
It was a while before Chad remembered that call. Two months of no work turned into three, then four. Chad didn't ask whether he could stay, but he paid for groceries, and Jeff didn't seem inclined to kick him out anytime soon. He got lazy over long hours by the pool and in Jeff's kitchen, cooking dinner like a total housebitch. There was a soft belly starting over his abs. Really annoying.

Chad dropped the box of scripts on the kitchen table and started spreading them out, a fan of paper with coffee-stains and unbroken spines. Then he opened the bag of cat treats and scattered them over the scripts. "C'mere, Laura! Tell Daddy what scripts to read, okay?"

His cat looked at him with utter disdain, bent and started licking her crotch.

"Laaaaura." Wiggling his fingers, Chad coaxed, "You want Daddy to work. He'll buy you a big cat tree where Ozzy can't get you."

Laura flicked an ear, considered his offer, and decided to clean her butt.

"This is because Jeff carries you on his shoulder, isn't it?" Chad dropped into a chair. "You like Jeff best, huh."

Laura yawned.

"Yeah. I do, too." Chad stared at the scripts, then swept the treats onto the floor where she could reach them without getting up. "We'll wait for better scripts. Yes, we will. Oh, yes, pretty girl, we're gonna--"

Ozzy straightened suddenly, bellowed out his war bark and went for the front door. Laura dove for cover, and Chad was headed to get her when he heard the doorbell ring.

"Shit." Tossing the scripts, Chad grabbed a shirt and went to look through the peephole. Jeff had some crazy-ass fans, and even a gate could only slow them down. Ozzy danced around Chad's feet, howling.

The guy on the front step looked wild-eyed and sketchy. He also had a carseat in his hand, the strap held tight. From under white blankets, Chad could see little pink toes.

Jeff might pick up his cell if Chad called to check this out. Might not. And it was raining like hell outside.

"Shit," Chad repeated, and opened the door a crack. He stood blocking the guy's way in and Ozzy's way out. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Tony," the guy said. "Anthony. Jeff's buddy. He, uh, he gave me the code, can I-?"

Memory clicked. "Tony! Hi, yeah. I'm Chad." Over Tony's shoulder, Chad could see the gate wide open. Tony's car idled in the doorway. There was a muffled, indignant squeak from inside the car seat , and Chad looked down to see Ozzy licking the baby's toes. Chad steered Ozzy back with his foot and backed up. "Hey, sorry. I didn't know you were coming. Everything okay, man?"

Tony bounced in place a little. "Great, great. Is Jeff here?"

"Working. He'll be back tonight." The baby-- Grace?-- gave another hiccup, forewarning a full on cry. Sketchy guy or not, Chad stepped back to let Tony come in. "Here, you and your wife can chill until he gets in."

"Amanda! Yes. Good old Amanda." Tony grinned wide. "I'll get her from the car. And the baby bag. Grace, meet your godfather Chuck!"

There was a baby carrier thrust at his chest. Chad automatically put his hands up and caught a thirty pound carseat, complete with baby. "Chad," he said lamely. "Um, Tony--"

But Tony was already scurrying back to the car.

Chad looked down and found a little red, screwed tight face in the sea of white, wet blankets. She smelled like urine and there was spit-up on her onesie. She hiccuped and gave a thin, unhappy wail that said she was working up to a screech.

Looking up, Chad said louder, "Tony."

Tony darted a look at him, grinned and got in the car. Then he hit reverse so hard his tires squealed, and pulled onto the street.

"Shit," Chad said faintly, then started for the stairs. Grace let out an earsplitting yell, Chad nearly fumbled her, and Tony was gone.

The motherfucker was gone.

"Uh," Chad said, and looked down at Grace. "Uh. I don't-- you're not-"

Grace howled.
*****
Fifteen minutes later, Chad had ruined three shirts and added Jeff to his growing list of motherfucking bastards. Mostly because Jeff wouldn't pick up his goddamn phone. He was probably sitting in a nice trailer with some makeup artist fawning over him, maybe taking a nap, no need for earplugs...

Grace hadn't stopped crying. She hadn't really stopped for breath, her little feet and fists waving and her face alarmingly red. Ozzy had gone for cover with Laura behind the couch. Chad was tempted to join them. Couldn't blame Grace, though; she felt cold and she'd been filthy with... stuff. Varying degrees of stuff.

They didn't have anything in the house for babies. No food, no diapers, no blankets or rattles or nooks or anything that his sisters had needed. The shirts Chad had wrapped around Grace were all coming off as she flailed, and cocooning her again only seemed to piss her the fuck off. It was a class one unholy baby fit. What if she was sick? What if something was really wrong with her? Should he call the cops?

Gingerly, Chad picked her up off the table. She threw her little head back, panicked into quiet, and that made Chad feel even worse. He pulled her up against his shoulder, patting her back. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. Shhh."

She wailed, a hopeless noise that closed a fist around Chad's heart. He hushed her again, walking with her, rubbing her back. His hand took up her entire back. He needed to calm her down first, calm himself down, and then figure out... whatever. But panic wasn't helping.

"Shh, shh. Here's the pool. Here's the rain--" Grace made a sound, an unhappy whine. Chad winced and said, faster, "Here's Guitar Hero. It'll be like Pong by the time you grow up, you'll make fun of it and everything. Shh, shh. There's Jeff's DVDs. There's a shitty movie by Jensen, and there's one by me and Jared. You'd like Jared. He'd know what to do with you. Shh, shh. Jared's big, though, and you're little."

Hiccuping again, Grace turned her face against his shoulder. She was drooling onto his shirt. Chad figured he'd get over it. He patted her back, and felt the cool radiating through his shirt. Without thinking, he bent to get a blanket. Grace jerked, flailed a little, and drew in a breath to yell again. Chad dropped onto the sofa and threw the blanket over her, then stood back up and started walking again. "No, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't cry. See, it's okay, nice steady ride. Like a Volvo. And you're the wine glasses on the hood. Except I don't know about crash safety ratings. I'm used to dogs, right? So give me a learning curve, babe, okay?"

Grace snuffled, sighed... and in the next breath, broke the sound barrier right in Chad's ear.

"Ow, son of a--"

"Sweetheart?" Jeff said from right behind him. "Why is there a--"

Chad spun, got another shriek from Grace that left his ears ringing, and hissed, "Fix her!"

"Fix..." Jeff blinked. "Grace? Where's Tony and Amanda?"

"Halfway to Nevada by now." When Grace drew in another heaving breath, Chad patted her frantically. "Hey, no, no, shh."

Jeff dropped onto a kitchen chair. He'd put take-out on the counter, with a bottle of wine, and Chad desperately needed a drink. "Tony just dropped her here?" Jeff demanded. "In a shirt?"

"Inside voice, Morgan." Chad bit off.

Jeff eyed Grace, then nodded. Waiting until she subsided to loud mewls, Jeff said, "He didn't leave anything?"

"A carseat. No diapers, no food. Her onesie is in the trash, it was filthy."

Looking ready to murder someone, Jeff closed his eyes. Chad resisted the urge to kick Jeff's chair. In the quiet, Grace faded again to whimpers.

After a long minute, Jeff exhaled and met Chad's eyes. "We need to get her some food and diapers before we do anything else."

Chad nodded. "I need you to drive while I hold her. Sorry."

"You did good. Sorry I didn't pick up." Jeff watched Chad for a moment, and something in his expression made Chad's cock give a guilty twitch. Jeff got up, moved close enough for Chad to feel his body heat, and craned his head to look at Grace's face. After a minute, Jeff gave a slow, warm smile and murmured, "Hey, sweet thing. We're gonna fix this."

Grace shifted, her little legs swinging. Jeff touched her back, resting his other hand on Chad's shoulder, warm and steady. Chad felt something unlock in his chest, a door coming open.

And then Grace peed on his chest.