Is it really bad that when I read the bracketed bit (highly decorated), I had a strange mental picture of John in some sort of pink sparkly ballet costume, with nail polish and mascara. Possibly as a result of some dreadful prank that Sam pulled in his teenage years when he'd lost his mind.

I feel I ought to test the whole stockiness issue - by seeing if I can still breathe if John's on top. Yes, that would be a very good test. *floats off into dreamworld*